he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
