Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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