I think I won the penis lottery.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
