I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
