My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
