the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
