I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
