stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
