What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
