piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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