I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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