Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
