i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
