He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
