2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
