We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
