Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i've created a new STD.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
