so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
