It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
