I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
