Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
try to milk me bitch
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
