thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
