Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We got so high we made milksteak
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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