I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The adults are the big ones right?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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