in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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