what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
