dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
