yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
