i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sext me about skeletons
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