New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am available for nakedness
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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