apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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