i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
