If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
