So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
