Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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