we're making bets on your personal life
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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