btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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