this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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