he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
