So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
