We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
