Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
did i just pee glitter
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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