Your tits are I can't wait for
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
