OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
