I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
