You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
