Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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