Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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