You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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