I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
